Predictions 2009: NL Central

All right, before we get started, I have to tell you how much I hate April Fool's Day. I hate it. A lot. I don't like surprises, period, and I don't care for pranks even a little bit. Practical jokes are my nightmares. I don't like being tricked or "fooled" and I really don't like when it happens over and over again in a 24-hour period. I know some people think it's "funny" but it's not. It's the unfunniest thing ever. Ever. I have a good sense of humor. I enjoy dry wit and slapstick comedy as much as the next person. I do not enjoy trickery. Therefore, you will find no hint of foolishness or silliness in the following post. I will not, repeat NOT tell you I think the Cubbies are finally going to go all the way this year, and then jump out from behind the couch yelling "April Fools!" at the top of my lungs to announce that, well, I got you. Some of my fellow bloggers may very well do just that, and more power to them, but I'll be avoiding the entire internet today, as well as anyone in my real life whom I know to be a perpetrator of such "hilarity." Now, with no further delay, here are my completely serious and somber predictions for the NL Central.

(Note: These predictions are based on absolutely nothing substantial or scientific. At best, they represent how I hope the races will turn out. At worst, they are my attempt at shaking things up. If you want more accurate guesstimates, visit some of the other UCB soothsayers.)

1. STL Cardinals. Okay, I'm a Cardinals fan. Did you really expect me to put the Cubs here? Sorry. Besides which, I think the Cards have a real shot at winning this year. I'm not going to list the reasons for fear of jinxing them, but I'll be happy to discuss it once the season is over and everyone is giving me credit for having called it. 2. CHI Cubs. What can I say, they're a pretty good team. During the regular season, at least, they were dominant last year. From what I can tell, they've made moves that will either improve them or, at worst, keep them pretty even. Too bad about that post-season stuff. 3. CIN Reds. They have some good pitching and a little bit of offense. They're better than the Pirates, at any rate. 4. MIL Brewers. Ehh. Last year was their shot and they blew it. I don't see them competing for much of anything this year. 5. PIT Pirates. To be fair, I think they are better than this. 6. HOU Astros. To be fair, I wish they were better than this.

Tomorrow we wrap up the regular season rankings with the NL West. Friday, we'll have post-season and individual awards predictions.